How to have a happy and healthy heaux season

A few weeks ago, I started watching Dying for Sex. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about a woman named Molly who gets a terminal cancer diagnosis — and decides to finally live the sexual life she never allowed herself to have.

Watching her say: “Why not now? Why not me?” hit me right in the gut. Not because it was brand new — but because it brought me back to a summer that changed my life for the same reason.

Throwback to summer 2021 — NYC was buzzing with that post-lockdown lust for life. I’d spent the year overanalyzing friendships, questioning my worth, and sitting in the ache of what wasn’t working.

And then, Heaux Tales dropped.
Jazmine Sullivan’s words seeped into me:

“It’s about a woman deciding how she wants to present herself to the world, and not being told or influenced by anyone but her gotdamn self.”

It felt like a liberation anthem for parts of me I’d kept locked away.

Up until then, I’d performed the version of womanhood I thought I was supposed to. Pleasant. Desirable — but never too much. I stayed quiet about what I wanted. I waited for the “right” partner, the “right” moment, the “right” body.

But that summer, Heaux Tales became my permission slip.
I asked myself: Why not me? Why not now?
And it changed everything.

I built the courage to go to my first event alone — something so small, but for me, with my anxious attachment and my history of people-pleasing? It was a breakthrough. It showed me what choosing myself could feel like: soft, bold, a little messy, and completely mine.

Why do we wait?

Watching Dying for Sex reminded me: So many women — especially Black and Brown women — wait until we’re at our limit to listen to what our bodies have been asking for all along.

We wait because we’ve been taught:
✨ That our pleasure is dangerous or shameful.
✨ That our bodies must be policed and controlled.
✨ That wanting more means we’re too much.

So we quiet it down.
We hold back.
We overthink every choice.
And we feel guilty if we even think about getting it wrong.

What if you didn’t have to wait for a wake-up call?

Maybe you’re here right now, reading this, feeling that tension in your chest: I want more. I want to feel good. But what if I mess up again? What if I waste time I don’t have?

I get it.
But here’s what I want you to know: choosing yourself isn’t reckless — it’s how you build trust with yourself again.

That’s what Heaux Season is about.
It’s not about being wild for the sake of it, or impressing anyone else.
It’s about asking: What does my body want? What do I want?
And giving yourself permission to find out — before life pushes you to the brink.

A soft place to start

I created the Happy & Healthy Heaux Season Guide because I wish I’d had it when I was still tiptoeing around my own desires.

It’s not just a list of tips — it’s a soft place for you to come back to yourself:
✅ Journal prompts to get clear on what you actually want (not what you “should” want)
✅ Boundaries that feel like freedom — not fear
✅ Practices to explore pleasure without the burnout
✅ Gentle reminders that you’re not behind — you’re right on time

This isn’t about being reckless — it’s about reclaiming what was always yours: your curiosity, your joy, your body on your terms.

You’re not too old for this.
You’re not too late.
You’re taking real steps on your path from loneliness to liberation — and you don’t have to do it alone.

Download your free guide and let this be the summer you don’t hold yourself back.

👉🏾 How to Have a Happy & Healthy Heaux Season — Free Guide

With love,
Fanny 💛